Here I go. I’ve decided to post my journal from the year leading up to my suicide attempt. I’ve not decide how I will do it, just that I don’t want to lose the journal so I want to capture it before I destroy the physical copy, something that my become necessary to safeguard its contents.
Calling it a journal is a bit of a stretch. I have a regular journal but these are something different. In these little journals I write what the unfiltered truth. Frequently that’s the stuff I don’t want my closest family members to see. They are a place to put things I must let out but can’t share with anyone.
I have keep them in a safe deposit box at a bank we both worked at unit recently when I needed to take them out. The box was in my name with her as the beneficiary. I left instruction to destroy them. I didn’t care what happened to them after I died because I knew that whatever she did with them that they would never make it to my family. Most of what’s in them are about her anyway.
A couple of notes: None of the journal is in order. I open to a page and write. It keeps it more real and since I never intended to share it, it didn’t make a difference to me. All of this is from the year leading up to my attempts to kill myself. Two with a gun where I couldn’t pull the trigger then one where I cut myself. Here and there I will need to cover things on the pages since this little book was also my source of note paper as well.