I’ve been so afraid of losing you so long, it took a while to realize that you were never mine. You never wanted me. I gave my heart to you and you let it sit there, and did nothing with it.
Although you always come back to me, your heart was always someplace else, with someone else – never me. I’m thinking a little more clearly now and while I still love you and long for you, instead of being afraid that I will lose you, I now know, that it’s you, that is going to lose me. Not because I wont be there for you, but because you will one day walk away. You will settle for someone who loves you less and who you love less than you love me.
I know the stars are there,
Behind the black clouds,
beyond the lifeless moon.
But to me they are cold.
Frozen stars. Not points of fire
that somehow resemble our sun,
but vivid portraits of death.
Your shallow heart
makes me cry,
As your words
Crash around me.
Your fears exclude
even the though of me.
In a place where
you are free to fly
and I do not exist.
The sound of your
words bury me
beneath the waves
of your freedom.
Three events define you to me, and all for the same reason.
The night I read a bed time story to your son. As I sat on the bed, you and your son sat on the floor and you laid your head on me. Then curled around me and just allowed yourself that peace.
The night we went to dinner and dancing. On the way home you crawled up on the console between us and wrapped you hands around my arm hugging me and laid your head on my shoulder weeping telling me that you loved me.
The time the gun when off in the middle of the night, and you asked me to come over. The moment I arrived and I put my hand out, you clung to me with both hands pressing yourself against following me every step I took, as I saw to things, knowing you were safe with me.
There are a few other events, but they all amount to the same thing. You love me as much as you’ve ever loved anyone, and when you allow yourself to follow your heart, everything becomes as it should be.
Dear Ms…. I love you… I’ve been good not to text you to much, so I won’t feel bad about bothering you with this… I haven’t the words to adequately express the depth of my love for you… But my heart is yours completely and I am consumed by a fire that you set aflame… You resurrected me from a death that had overtaken me, and now I burn in your eternal embers, always in a delicious agony and yet never fully consumed… For years you loved me simply but with a profound love that even I do not understand… and now again, you love me with a depth that I see so clearly in your eyes that they haunt me day and night… But which you fight against and struggle to suppress in your own heart even though you have admired that you cannot… While I embrace it, and am entombed by the knowledge that you love me as much as I love you, but that you will not allow yourself so great a joy as to truly love yourself… by allowing me to love you as completely even as you would yourself like… I love you, you beautiful sweet confusing complex little bitch! WtF
Sometimes the depth of my love, is only exceeded by the depth of my sorrow.
Dear Sweet Peaches. When I pull you close I can smell the fragrance of your hair and my senses heighten. I feel the my hands spread wider across your back, without decision, in the same way my lungs draw in fresh morning air. I feel your breasts press and compress against me as they spread against my chest and I wonder if you might linger in my arms… I imagine my hands moving down to the bottom of your back and beneath your clothing where they feel the softness of your skin and I move them up again beneath your blouse. I feel my whiskers brush against your cheek as I take in another shallow breath to smell your gentle aroma without alerting you to the fact, and then I nuzzle against your face and I take in an even deeper breath as my hands drink in the texture of your full back as I draw my face back enough to give myself a chance to taste your lips and you meet me gently there and as we kiss. I feel the softness there as your lips allow a gentle touching of our tongues as they touch and test the willingness of your mouth. I feel your breasts against the insides of arms as we embrace and I linger in your kisses not just for the warmth of your mouth but to hear the passion of those wet kisses, to indulge in the your full Breasts against my skin as I move my hands from your back to your sides and then intimately to your beautifully textured nipples hoping my kisses move from your mouth and tongue to the top of your throat and downward to your smooth titties. My hands move once again to you back to force your nipples deeper in my mouth. I wonder about the textures of you body, the fine hair on your soft tummy as it turns more course the lower I go. I love you and I want to taste not just you skin but your desire. I love you, I love you, I love you my Sweet Ms Anneliese