Little girl. Dear beautiful, little girl. Yesterday at lunch you said that you don’t have other men you go to lunch with or that you text or that you flirt with. You said that to me, but you were defending yourself to “him.” Him being the man who brutalized you and the man who is controlling you.
I’ve never said anything accusing about your hang with other men in that way. I have said how you have hurt me a time or two with other men, but that different. That was me hurting because you cannot connect with me. You have an almost pathological rejection of my affection and it hurts to see you touch someone who means nothing to you and not touch me.
But I don’t think you out acting like a brazen woman and treating me like I’m just one of the hurd. I don’t think that at all. I know you love me and make time for me, I know you’ve been beaten because you love me. I know you are now being watched by a man you need to protect you because of me. I know you think of me, and imagine being with me. I know that you want to make love to me because you’ve said so and I believe you.
In fact I know that in some part, the reason you are so careful with me is because you are scared, even though you will never admit it, that it will change us. I know you cant lose me and that you have been so poorly treated before.
I know that I am special to you, the most important man in your life. I know that, and I love that.
I love exactly who you are, as complex as you are and as difficult as we are I love you and I know you love me. I miss you and long to see you. I suffer through the days of silence when you can not communicate with me but I understand it.
But I have never accused you of cheating of my or of being somehow cheap. In fact I think the opposite. I think some very low men have treated you cheaply when you have been amazing, but somehow you have “agreed” with them within yourself. You buy their bullshit on some level as if its true or as if it has some truth to it and its a lie.
I love you.