I spend a lot of time wondering who I am to you. You drive me crazy and I know you know that. Were friends, sure. We are all of the things you listed to me: friends, lovers, champions, etc. But you come and go in my life that seem so easy to you. I’m sure I am wrong about that. But it seems easy to you.
Sometimes I wonder if your just toying with me. Playing with me as a simple pass time while you go about the serious parts of your life. If you are then you’re in trouble. Because I am completely in love with you. I will be very hard to shake. So if your just playing with me your screwing up.
But it will be nice for you too. Because I will serve you, and care for you in a way that you wont even understand until it’s too late. I know the other boys always want something from you. They ask for things and demand things and you comply while you need them. Or I think there is a part of you that thinks that’s how love works, an equitable exchange of favors with a caring attitude of compliance. But that’s not love.
One day you will fall willingly into my arms and never be able to escape because being loved completely feels so fucking good, who would ever want to lose it. Love is caring so deeply and so completely about the other person that you will sacrifice and serve and care for that person no matter what, without equivocation.
That’s what scares you so much about me. You know that I love you and now that you have seen love, you know that no one have ever loved you before and you are afraid of what will happen as you fall deeper in love with me. Because you fucked up and you let me see inside. I know you love me. You have already tasted it, so now it is inevitable, you will fall completely in love and you will not be able to stop yourself. Now that you know what love is, and the though of meeting the expectations of someone who requires something of you rather than loving you so completely that that it is simply who you, are will bore you.
Now what is coming next is that you will begin to trust completely, and care completely and you will allow yourself to express what you now feel. When that happens there will be two of us loving each other without though of our own needs. Then you will begin to see and understand the real power of love.
I love you and I will always love you.