I have not post here because I have been angry for several weeks. Your going though a lot without having to deal with me. But I’m going through a lot too. I often feel that I come far down on your list of priorities and that I’m easy for you to take for granite or that you simply dismiss my pains because they are not yours.
On the 27th you said you asked to talk and I could not and I asked what the topic was and you said you need to “air out some shit” you were nice but I was scared because its seemed like your trying to distance yourself from me.
I let it go for a while but it was killing me so I said that
“I’m concerned about us, are we okay? Was it something about me” Then I said
“I’ve been wondering since last night” because it had just hung there and you didn’t reply.
and finally I paraphrased what I was scared about which includes the post that I did here. https://primalnights.wordpress.com/2013/11/18/go-ahead-and-say-its-me/ Basically you said you considering dumping me.
“You told me your trying to figure out what you think about men and asked me to give you some space and I have. And so I’ve wondered if I’m a problem for you”
I’m dying inside because your dumping me, or have dumped me I don’t know which, and you avoid it? And your reply made it worse in two ways. first you said:
“I’m ok. We will talk soon.”
So you basically said your ok, which is not an answer at all to if “We” are ok and in the absence of saying yes were ok it sounds as if were not ok, plus you say “We will talk soon” which sound like we need to talk because there is something we need to talk about! And then you didn’t call me and when we next spoke you didn’t bring it up and when I did bring it up it made you angry and you dismissed it.
So no I’m not OK.
And this is not even what I’m upset about. This is just one thing that hurt, but it doesn’t hurt you so it passes and goes away and I simply have to let it go.
I’m angry about how you dumped me that Wednesday night, or really, how you just set me aside emotionally and moved on as if we had nothing between us. And so I have been posting these on my private blog, but I will put them here now. I’m sorry if they hurt you, but they have hurt me and I have avoided you because it hurts me so deeply and if we love each other we bear each other burdens. You either love me or you don’t and either way what I say here wont make a difference to that.
I love you more than I can possible explain and I am angry at you, so I have let these things sleep rather than let them hurt you. But I don’t think I will get better unless you understand how I hurt, because I know you never intend to hurt me.