Text From Catnip
U have spoiled me, U know this… I struggle too
with wanting to be with you and I often times
have been upset about the vast age difference
or the life you have already lived with a family.
How many times do you think I’ve done the math? Your
son’s age plus 12 years of school added to my age equals
my age at his graduation. Or my age minus your age at
the time I might die equals how many years I would leave
you along without a husband to raise our children. Or the
likely age I might die minus my current age equals how
long I could have you as my wife and how many years
I could truly be happy, how many years I could teach you
the value of a good man and a loving father. I love you
Catnip. I know it’s presumptuous, but I go through the
math all the time. I’ve done the math from that day on
the Green bench until now, from now until the sun fades
because I will still love you then.
All of the math says the same thing. I’m a selfish man. I should be nice to you and leave you alone. But I can’t.