I want so badly for you to understand that I love you. But I think it’s a struggle for you. I would be easier for you if I didn’t love you, as fucked up as that is to say. Since I have never touched you, I’ve wondered if it would be better for you if I were to leave you alone now so that you would never question if I loved you, and our love would be perfect in your mind forever. But I could never do that because I could never leave you.
You wondered even after almost 10 years if I was gaming you because you weight every expression of my love against what you had to pay in the past to be loved. I didn’t know how to feel about that except that that I was happy you could tell me anything about how you feel because that is so hard for you to do.
You’ve have been so brutally fucked over for so long, that that, is what you’re looking for, not love. Even a simple touch of you hand sometimes says to you, “I knew it all along, that’s all he wants.” It makes me sad but not for me. It makes me sad because I know you believe in love, you just don’t believe you deserve to be loved.
Just as you have realized that you were being abused, you will one day realized that I do love you. When that day comes, I will still be here.
I love you
Love Papa Bear
- You Didn’t Deserve Any of That (primalnights.wordpress.com)
- Bad Poetry Weekend #18: The Truth Sets You Free Only After It Pisses You Off (prinsesamusang.wordpress.com)
- The Voices Inside My Head (rainbowhealingspirit.wordpress.com)
- the way you deserve, in love (foolforethought.wordpress.com)
- lonely…I am so lonely…I have nobody… (kindlewit.wordpress.com)
- Cue Journey…Don’t Stop Believing. (abravenewyou.wordpress.com)