Do you know what it’s like to bridle every passion so completely for someone else that it hurts? To deny yourself completely, to forgo your own dreams, so that someone else can embrace their own? Or do you have any idea what it like to be so completely in love with someone who it drives you mad? Someone who is so magnificent, that just to see them walk into the room warms your very soul. Someone who is lying to themselves and working so hard to get what they want that it blinds then to reality. I hope that you never do.
I’ve lost myself, everything, so completely that, that all boundaries, at all times have lost their meaning to me. All of my thought turns to you at every waking moment and I long to see you every day. I will never be complete without you in. If I don’t call you it’s because I force myself to leave you to live your life, because I would consume every moment of it if you let me. These poems represent just some of the time I spend thinking about you even though they are a poor expression of those thoughts, they will give you an idea of my thoughts and feelings.
Loving someone and telling them you love them are two very different things. Sometime I wonder what my life would be like if I had never told you I love you. You would have gone the way of all dreams.
It’s hard for me to see you loved so imperfectly. Not only by those have you shared yourself with but by you yourself as well. Your amazing, you touch and inspire everyone, but I see you as go through your life with someone who loves you so imperfectly, and with someone who will never be able to love you as I do. Even so you fill my hopes as I hope to somehow come to terms with the idea that you will forever be someone else’s love.
There was a time I wish I had simply said goodbye and let you walk out of those doors that day, because for a time, I was just a plaything. Something fun you’d keep in a drawer and showed your friends.
Love was so new to you that you didn’t understand how rare a thing it really was. But I did, and I do love you, and I know what love means. Whatever I was to you, I knew that a part of you loved me and so I put myself completely at your mercy. I considered how I would suffer, in almost any of the many outcomes I considered, but I could not let you go. So I trusted in your mercy, exposing myself completely for the sake of having even a part of your love. Now that I have that, I know I will forever drown in the craving for more.
Had I not told you I loved you, it would have haunted me the rest of my life, missing you. Having said it, it will haunt me forever.
I hope that you understand the power of our relationship, the absolute rarity of it, and of the power it has made both of our lives so much sweeter, because for so long it was a game to you.
But all of that depends on you. Either way you will be my muse, my secret dream and hopefully you will understand and embrace me.
Love Papa Bear