Yesterday as we drove home you reached out and touched me. You caressed my arm with the palm of your hand and the tips of your fingers and gently but so beautifully set my whole being on fire. I know you love me and I so long to feel that from you, and I did. I loved those few quiet moments and one day, I promise, I will touch you in the most intimate and personal ways and you will feel love as you never have.
I want so badly for you to understand that I love you. But I think it’s a struggle for you. I would be easier for you if I didn’t love you, as fucked up as that is to say. Since I have never touched you, I’ve wondered if it would be better for you if I were to leave you alone now so that you would never question if I loved you, and our love would be perfect in your mind forever. But I could never do that because I could never leave you.
You wondered even after almost 10 years if I was gaming you because you weight every expression of my love against what you had to pay in the past to be loved. I didn’t know how to feel about that except that that I was happy you could tell me anything about how you feel because that is so hard for you to do.
You’ve have been so brutally fucked over for so long, that that, is what you’re looking for, not love. Even a simple touch of you hand sometimes says to you, “I knew it all along, that’s all he wants.” It makes me sad but not for me. It makes me sad because I know you believe in love, you just don’t believe you deserve to be loved.
Just as you have realized that you were being abused, you will one day realized that I do love you. When that day comes, I will still be here.
I love you
Love Papa Bear
- You Didn’t Deserve Any of That (primalnights.wordpress.com)
- Bad Poetry Weekend #18: The Truth Sets You Free Only After It Pisses You Off (prinsesamusang.wordpress.com)
- The Voices Inside My Head (rainbowhealingspirit.wordpress.com)
- the way you deserve, in love (foolforethought.wordpress.com)
- lonely…I am so lonely…I have nobody… (kindlewit.wordpress.com)
- Cue Journey…Don’t Stop Believing. (abravenewyou.wordpress.com)
Here I come blundering along again,
Wandering back into your path
As if I had not had my ass kicked already
And I’m simply to thick to see it.
But let’s be clear about this, it’s your fault!
You poke me, you prod me, you tease me.
You entice me and then close the door.
I try to understand and when I do
You grab my nipple and twist and bite me!
You mean sexy teasing little fucking bitch.
(Man, why do I like you so much, cuz I do like you).
You turn the music up and lean on me
And say “can’t you just shut the fuck up!”
I do. Rhiannon sings a cover of Fleetwood Mack
Then you caress me and pull yourself next to me
You lean on me and turn the music up
You rest your cheek on my arm with your hands
Clinging to me holding me against your cheeks
Drawing the power of my love into your soul
You turn up Jimmy Eat World loud and say
The most beautiful words you’ve ever said to me
In a whisper that cuts through “Table for Glasses”
You say, “I do love you, you know”.
Then you pause for dramatic effect
And you follow-up with… “stupid fucker.”
When we get to you home you pour out of the truck
Gathering yourself you say what you need to say.
You give me hug and say “you need to go”
Because what you want to do is confusing to you,
Because you can’t have what you want right now.
You want to go inside and cry yourself to sleep, alone
And you want me to come inside and fuck you better
You decide on the former rather than the latter
As you hug me goodnight the hug lingers
Not because you are reconsidering the two
But because you need to love that soaks into you
Before I get in my truck and drive away
I love you. When are you going to believe that!
- Do You Have Any Fucking Questions, Bitches? (gijaneblog.wordpress.com)
- Are You Ready To be loved Forever (primalnights.wordpress.com)
- Shatter Me (erotibox.wordpress.com)
- A Thursday Love Poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay (dadpoet.wordpress.com)
- (Really fucking angry) Ramble #2 (madelineamycollins.wordpress.com)
You sat there swallowing stones
That he fed you one by one
Small and smooth at first
Polished in the beginning
Each carefully chosen
For one so innocent
So easy to swallow
So easy to please
One stone after another
Each bigger than the last
From the beginning
A betrayal at your expense
When the laughing stops
You find the stones are rough
When you feel their weight
And the rasp in your throat
You seek to manage the stones
Instead of the man
When it was the man
Who had deceived you
- Polishing The Stones (freedomoftheheart.com)
“The Asshole” Abused my Catnip, He has been abusing her from years and he always blames her for his actions. He belittles and berates her for his short comings and he treats her very poorly and I hate that fucker because he somehow over the many years he has been abusing her, convinced her that she is the problem or that she is some kind of problem or something. I don’t know exactly what, but she is amazing and deserves the best, not what she gets. This is a letter to her. She is amazing. He will end up in prison.
As you know, I think about you. I was thinking of the day you picked up your truck. I don’t know what you were going through or the depth of it, and I wouldn’t want to take any of that from you. But I could see your pain and that it was deep.
Please don’t be upset if you already know what I’m going to say and please don’t rebuke it with that little voice in your head that sometimes rebukes you. I want to say you didn’t deserve anything that happened to you. You did nothing wrong, and none of it was your fault.
You did nothing wrong sweet heart and I say that as a man who knows and understands you. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you. And there is nothing wrong with you. And what happened to you is shocking by any standard. You are beautiful when you cry and you have earned every tear and sorry, but you didn’t deserve how you were treated.
You are beautiful to give of yourself so completely and to work so hard and do everything for that love. You are amazing and it was not your fault.
Thank you Princess for opening your heart and for letting me love you. You are truly beautiful.
Love Papa Bear
Do you know what it’s like to bridle every passion so completely for someone else that it hurts? To deny yourself completely, to forgo your own dreams, so that someone else can embrace their own? Or do you have any idea what it like to be so completely in love with someone who it drives you mad? Someone who is so magnificent, that just to see them walk into the room warms your very soul. Someone who is lying to themselves and working so hard to get what they want that it blinds then to reality. I hope that you never do.
I’ve lost myself, everything, so completely that, that all boundaries, at all times have lost their meaning to me. All of my thought turns to you at every waking moment and I long to see you every day. I will never be complete without you in. If I don’t call you it’s because I force myself to leave you to live your life, because I would consume every moment of it if you let me. These poems represent just some of the time I spend thinking about you even though they are a poor expression of those thoughts, they will give you an idea of my thoughts and feelings.
Loving someone and telling them you love them are two very different things. Sometime I wonder what my life would be like if I had never told you I love you. You would have gone the way of all dreams.
It’s hard for me to see you loved so imperfectly. Not only by those have you shared yourself with but by you yourself as well. Your amazing, you touch and inspire everyone, but I see you as go through your life with someone who loves you so imperfectly, and with someone who will never be able to love you as I do. Even so you fill my hopes as I hope to somehow come to terms with the idea that you will forever be someone else’s love.
There was a time I wish I had simply said goodbye and let you walk out of those doors that day, because for a time, I was just a plaything. Something fun you’d keep in a drawer and showed your friends.
Love was so new to you that you didn’t understand how rare a thing it really was. But I did, and I do love you, and I know what love means. Whatever I was to you, I knew that a part of you loved me and so I put myself completely at your mercy. I considered how I would suffer, in almost any of the many outcomes I considered, but I could not let you go. So I trusted in your mercy, exposing myself completely for the sake of having even a part of your love. Now that I have that, I know I will forever drown in the craving for more.
Had I not told you I loved you, it would have haunted me the rest of my life, missing you. Having said it, it will haunt me forever.
I hope that you understand the power of our relationship, the absolute rarity of it, and of the power it has made both of our lives so much sweeter, because for so long it was a game to you.
But all of that depends on you. Either way you will be my muse, my secret dream and hopefully you will understand and embrace me.
Love Papa Bear