It’s been a long week. It would have been longer if you hadn’t met me in San Francisco Sunday night! When I asked you to meet me there for Sushi I loved your response. “HeHe I love you “. It made me happy. You made me happy.
Im sorry you’ve had a hard week or so. It’s actually 11:28 by now and I’m hoping you are sleeping. But I don’t really know. I don’t know from out txt earlier tonight if you meet with “the penis” or not, or if he meet earlier, meaning prior to my txt, or if he hadn’t shown up and was coming over later or what. If I knew I would have acted differently but I didn’t want to risk making the evening uncomfortable. I didn’t want to push, I kind of figured if you wanted me to know you would have told me. So as a result I just didn’t come over.
it made ma a little sad when you said you just wanted to feel numb. Ok I get it, but it still made me a little sad. In a way it’s kind of what I want for you, kind of. But what I want for you is peace. Numb, without feeling would be a relief from what you’ve been going through, but I want you to feel and be happy.
Am I adding to your unhappiness? I wrote you a letter today asking that question but decided against sending it. I know you have a lot of crap you’ve been dealing with so I didn’t send it. But I still wonder.
I intend to write you about how I am working to become a better man for you. when I told you that I was working to be a better man for you you seemed surprised, which surprised me! But one of the things I’m doing is trying to be more honest and direct in speaking with you. Not that I’m dishonest, but I am frequently guarded. And I’m changing that because I want to be closer to you as you allow me to be closer and I want to make you happy. So as a part of that…
I’d like to be able to spend some time near you and at your place. It’s always fun and I lIke fun. I know your working through some things right now but when you can, I’d like to see you and spend an evening with you and I can easily do that but I need to plan a little. Lets watch a movie and hang out a little just let me know when you think you will be free. Every moment I’ve spent with you at your place has been valuable to me, even that last time when “the penis” finally dropped by. ( I wish I had stayed that night by the way, but I didn’t want to hurt you).
I will go for now. I love you very much and miss you. I loved our last lunch and talking and look forward to seeing you again.