Below is a letter that I wrote to Catnip.
In Jan of 2012 Catnip asked me not to call or contact her anymore.
It was hard to say the least. I wanted to argue with her and defend myself and beg her to let me be close, but I don’t think that ever works and it frequently hurts people. Scars them. When she asked me not to ever call her again it was over the phone. I told her I loved her and that I would never call again. I was as kind and caring as I could be.
It almost crippled me. I worked in an office and when I took her call I walked out to a lobby to talk to her. My boss saw me get up and walk out and didn’t say anything to me but she noticed. After I said Goodbye, I started to weep and couldn’t stop. I knew I couldn’t speak and I could contain my emotion so I simply walked to my car and went home and explained some BS story the next day.
She was crying and said “I’m sorry” and I could hear her take in a breath of air and she said “I love you”. It brings tears to my eyes even now.
She was with “the Asshole” she and wanted to do everything she could to make the relationship with him work and so she asked me to stay away. I loved her and I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, and I did want her to be happy, even if it mean I had to go, so I said I wouldn’t call. She didn’t need me piling on whatever was going on and I thought I had lost her. About a week later she called and wanted to see me. I found out much later that “The Asshole” had been beaten her. But she just wanted to see me and get some emotional support and in her eyes we were back together and she had emotionally left him, but she had not told ME. Anyway, at the time I wrote her this letter thinking I would never see her again and I was simply going to keep it. I’ve written her many letters that I have not given her but this one, I gave it to her a few weeks later. I gave her 30 letters that I had written while she was gone. I would write them and put them in a safe deposit box that she was the only beneficiary to. This is just one of them.
16 Jan 2012
The days after you asked me to leave you were hard. It felt as if happiness itself was pouring out of me. You had left me before, but this time it was because you saw me as the source of your sorrow, and it was clear that our friendship was over.
The next time I saw you was incredibly hard. I thought you were seeing me in spite of your desires and because you needed some support from a friend, even though it was over as far as us being close.
It broke my heart to see you. You were so incredibly beautiful in your long black coat and your long blond hair, and yet so crumpled in spirit. I wanted so badly just to comfort you, I would have done anything you asked of me.
You misunderstand me and you’re careful about how much you let me in. That’s fine, but don’t forget that I love you and that I hurt too. I will always love you.
- Parting is such sweet sorrow… (rubylane.com)
- What Will My Baby Look Like? | BabyZone (babyzone.com)
- Love is . . . (rubylane.com)
- the group home is where the heart is no funds needed and the page the truth about maryna and jeremy baylis (justiceforkevinandjenveybaylis.wordpress.com)
- Benedict Cumberbatch’s love life hotting up as he shares kiss with Russian model Katia Elizarova by the pool in Ibiza (mirror.co.uk)
- And This Is Why I Dont Go Outside! (seriouslyrebecca.wordpress.com)
- Love Letter and Human Emotions (vishalbheeroo.wordpress.com)
- A Letter To My Son on Father’s Day (goodmorninggratitude.com)