I know that I come a little unglued every now and then And that when I do I make your days harder for a little while.
Its so hard feeling this strongly about you and having to temper my every behavior towards you. And it’s especially hard when I’m not crazy.
When were together your almost magical, ok you are magical. Your eyes sparkle. Your smile brightens and flashes like lightning in a cloudless sky. You torture me in the most delicious way just by being you. You fun and you let yourself have fun with me. The I’m not crazy part is that I see it and its all real! You love me, your attracted to me, you flirt and tease and I pick up on that just as a sane man would. But then when I respond you pull away, sometimes.
Sometimes you act naturally and that’s when my life is the very best. When you put out those little signals that tell me to touch you and I do and you touch me back. When your non-verbal language says to pull you close ad I do and you melt into me, not hug back but conform to me. Your not some little junior high girl two doesn’t understand, your a woman and your responses mean what they are supposed to me.
So it drives me a little crazy when days like yesterday happen. I love and respect you. (Like a dumb fuck, but that’s another topic) and so when I hurt you it hurts me And I don’t want either.
I want to hold you and kiss you and I want to make love to you. And you want me to hold you and kiss you and make love to you. But you won’t allow any of it if your thinking about it. But its hard for me. Everything between us moves me closer to you and I follow those signals correct up to an artificial point that you manage and that moves with your moods and needs, and then you pull back. And when you do I feel like a dick.
I don’t want to hurt you but I know I will continue to follow what is plane to see. And every now and then I will wonder why I continue to pursue you if you are not interested in me, because that’s the other signal you put out when you pull away. When I reach out to you and touch your and you hold my had back for a few moments then jerk away and say stop it, what your saying, or what I hear is: what the fucks a matter with you, DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME!
How am I suppose to process that when the truth is that you do want me. And I can’t help but feel rejected. It hurts me beyond my ability to endure some times. You treat me so differently and I can’t help but see it. You drive me fucking crazy. Since your divorce you’ve told about going home with a man you met dancing. You told me about fucking that fireman because he was kind of “hunkie” but you weren’t interested in him. You’ve told me about a lot of men in the past two years and I don’t care about any of them, and I don’t care about this one your with now. I don’t give a flying fuck in the wind about any of that. I just want to know what the fuck is wrong with me. And if there’s nothing wrong with me, I want to know that.
I don’t care if you never make love to me, I’m old fucking man not some kid ruled by his cock. But I am a man And I have to know above the waist that you care for me, just tell me.
You know I’m a man right? That I have a heart and feelings. You know that I’ve abandoned everything I’ve ever stood for because I’m in love with you. And not just because I’m in love with you but because you love me, and because you want my love. You want my attention and my affection and its obviously clear without question and I lavish you with my love without hesitation. I want you to know the power in that, the power of being at peace with someone who loves you for you, because that, you have never had! I loved last night, a single hour at peace was wonderful. I’d strip away everything in my life to have that with you. I love you care for me and to hear it from you. So ok I admit that Im fucked up a little and need that from you. But it will also give you peace and even greater love.
Ive given you a great gift, I’ve given you me and I’ve given you all of me that you will take. I’ve given you a human soul and the dedication that you deserve and that so many others are not even capable of giving because they lack a soul and the intelligence to manage it in the first place.
I see you hide me, even yesterday you told me you lied to hide that I’m in your life. You want me here and I want to be here. But the fucked up thing is that I AM here, I’m all in, but some part of you is in denial about that and about how far in you are, and that hurts me.
So every now and then when the hurt feels like rejection, I’m going to come a little unglued and unfortunately for you, your going to have to decide each time if its time for me to stay or go. Like I Said, I’m all in, I never confused about if I want you, but I’m frequently confused about if you want me.
- Receive (mlbk7.wordpress.com)
- How To Touch A Girl… (thesyncronisedlife.wordpress.com)
- The Story Of The Sleeping Boyfriend And His GF’s Roomates (vividclubnc.wordpress.com)
- To quote J – you have to wake yourself up lor (thatwhichcannotbenamed.wordpress.com)
- Rough Fucking Day? Check. (davideljacobsblog.wordpress.com)
- Part One: 1/2012 (jessicaeberhart.wordpress.com)
- Prologue Teaser to Harper Sloan’s Debut Novel, Axel (Corps Security, #1) & Giveaway Announcement (drunkenpervycreepers.com)
- Triangle of Love-Part 3-Baby please, won’t you marry me? (haqshabana.wordpress.com)
- Lelea’s Having A Wonderful Sex (andrewcutris.wordpress.com)
- 8 Reasons Why Men Love Crazy Bitches (anomicbombdiggity.wordpress.com)