I long to see you every day. But even more I long to Hear from you. Not only when were apart but I long to hear from you when were together. I want to hear that you love me. I want to hear that you need me, that you miss me. I need it.
I have poured my heart out to you in my letters and poems and at any moment you can look to them to hear that I love you and I know that you do re-read them and use them to comfort yourself. It makes me happy. A the same time I long to hear the same from you.
I know that you love me. I know it in my bones. I know that you think of me and need me and that gives me comfort and peace. You are very careful about expressing your love to me little girl. You are so careful and I understand that you have been crushed many times by opening your heart. But that is not what will happen with me. This summer I will have been in your life 8 years and in love with you 8 years without pause. And I will never stop loving you or caring for you, and you know that.
Think about the days you have shared yourself with me, not just your presence but your heart. Like the day you told me you didn’t want to lose me when the boy you like found my letters. That was a beautiful day even though you were scared. You opened your heart to me because you needed to and I loved how tender and how kind you were, and wasn’t I kind back to you?
Today I will miss you for lunch and you will go home to the boy who likes you during your lunch hour. I don’t care about that at all except that I will miss seeing you. I hope he is good to you. Hell, I hope you get laid at lunch I don’t care at all, that’s what we should be doing. But what I miss is you. The woman who is honest and direct and fun open. Because she hides from me and I don’t know why. In not afraid of a little heat! A stove wouldn’t scare me
So please, Don’t hide from me little girl because its silly. Embrace me and share with me. Share your feelings with me. I’ll tell you a secret little girl. One day your going to let me hold you and kiss you and were going to make love to each other and on that day your going to wonder why you waisted so many years keeping me at arms length and regret that. You are going to understand things in a way you never have before, and its going to make you happy in a way you’ve never felt before. Not as we make love but forever after. It’s going to change you and your going to wish you had everything much sooner. But then maybe you couldn’t have handled it sooner. Maybe all of this time was necessary for you to get to this point before you can see what love is. Maybe that’s what your afraid of, knowing what love is.
Kiss me little girl and find out. I know I’m smug, but I don’t think you know.
Sometimes when I write things I see you in my mind, shaking your bread or pursing your lips. I’ve been with you at times when I’ve said something and I’ve known I’ve been wrong because of your body language. But I don’t get that here. But I still want to know what you think.
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