I don’t know why I knew, but somehow I knew that “The Asshole” had been in your life again some way. I’m glad it was not him directly, but somehow I knew something was up and I was scared for you. You’ll hate to hear it but he is a bad person, or at least he is not good to you and I think he is dangerous to you.
It’s hard to express how worried I am about you. As well as you know me you are still afraid of me as a man on some level not because of me but because of other men, and I’m guessing primarily “The Asshole”. And I can’t begin to tell you how sad that makes me both for me and for you. “The Asshole” has hurt you for years to come and I’m sorry I wasn’t there during that time for you.
Today was the second time you’ve expressed fear or concern that something I said might have meant I might hurt you. When I didn’t hear from you and knowing “The Asshole” was somehow involved (that’s the only thing that makes you forget me) I told you I was worried enough I would have come to your home. And you asked “Why to hurt me?” And I could hear confusion in the question. That gutted me! That you might for a second think I might hurt you. You will hate me for saying this but you should not allow him in your life, even in these little ways that you let him in. He is not good for you. Not only that, he is bad for you.
I have never hurt another person in my life, ever. “I”. Meaning the inner me the “ID” The inner self. Yes I was a warrior but that does not define me on the inside. I have never hurt another person ever. I’ve never grabbed a woman by the arm. I’ve never held someone when they wanted to pull away. I have never hit another person in anger. I’ve never retaliated against someone. I don’t yell, I don’t hurt. I’ve never hurt another living soul In my life unless that person was trying to hurt me. I’m not to proud to walk away Because I’ve seen violence in all of its ugliest forms.
I know that you know that I am a gentle person. And I know that you know that I would never hurt you. But there is a shadow inside of you that hides from “men”. I don’t know how to say it other than that. Some part of you harbors that fear and I’m sorry.
As for me, I will never hurt you. I would walk away first but even more importantly I will never e allow myself to even begin to get what angry. I know you’ve considered me your safe place. And I am that and I will always be that no matter what happens I will always be safe for you. What you will one day understand, and that I look forward to is that we are special and that makes me special to you. The closer you allow yourself to get to me, the safer I will be for you. I’m glad your ok, I love you little girl.