Something very weird happened to me. I went to the Golden Gate Bridge as I have done a hundred times before, but this time she called to Me. Spoke to me in a way she never had before.
Years ago I ran across her every day after work on the Presidio. Me and two guys from work would leave 6th Army Head Quarters, jog to Chrissy Field, up the access. Road to the toll gate, run over and back. A good hard run ever day.
On our lunch breaks we would go down to Fort Point and eat lunch and watch for jumpers! Sick as hell I know, but that’s what we did. My two buddies, an Army Major and a Warrent Officer saw a few over the years. I never saw one, but I was there once when some one jumped. I watched some guys on surf boards paddle out to the jumper and try to help and then the Coast Guard arrived and pulled him out of the water.
So here I am a years later and I’m on the bridge. Like I said I’ve been here a lot but somehow today was different. The farther I walked out onto the bridge to odder I felt. I found myself walking next to the traffic and avoiding the fence and as I realized that I felt stupid. So walked to the fence that is the edge of the bridge and put my hands on it and looked out at the bay and as I did I had the overwhelming urge to jump! Ad in my mind I just heard the word “Jump!” And for a moment it felt co compelling that I considered it for a moment then dismissed it immediately.
I thought to myself “what the hell are you thinking?” and I immediately, instantly answerEd myself, it will all be over, all the bullshit will end, all of thinking and wondering everything will be over in a splash. And the urge to jump came again very strong and I worlds “just jump!”
I stepped away from the rail and I had to get off that bridge. It made no sense but I needed to get the hell off of the bridge and away from the edge. I left fast enough that it made the friends I was with uncomfortable. It told them I’d meet them down at Fort Point and I walked down about half a mile or maybe more to the point.
As I did I though of the time I cane here to SF too kill myself, to commit suicide. I thought of my suicide.
It was those same words that compelled me to cut myself back then. But this time in stead embracing them to get away from your memory, I wanted to get back to you. I wanted to see you again! To see you laugh, to see your eyes sparkle and to see the dimples when you smile, all I wanted was you.
- Golden Gate Bridge jumper rescued by sailing crew (foxnews.com)
- Man survives 220-foot jump off Golden Gate Bridge (utsandiego.com)
- Man Jumps Off Golden Gate Bridge, Regrets It Shortly After (sfist.com)
- Again, The Golden Gate Bridge (blatherskiteblog.com)