I recently read a post about dreams and premonitions and that sort of thing and I responded that I have that sort of thing.
In my life, Catnip is one of the things that consumes me and I think of her a lot. Now as it happens I have a premonition that something big is going to happen between the two of us so I’m putting it down in black and white.
One of the major explanations for Deja vu is that th brain is simply so fast that in a given experience the brain can experience it, then immediately duplicate it and reproduce it as if it had been a dream at some point in the past. Its just a mental trick the brain does when it is bored to pass the time.
What I am experiencing is not so detailed as it is a feeling that whatever it is that is going to happen will be big and will happen before the end of May. I am a believer in this sort of thing and even though this is nothing specific I know it will not be something insignifficant but something big and I want to write it down so that if something does happen I have a record of it.
In truth I don’t really want something big to happen. The last thing I want is something so big that is disrupts my life or happiness or whatever. But the feeling has persisted for a while so we will see if its anything.
if I could choose what it was it would be her expressing to me that she loved me and didn’t want to ever lose me. Something that shows that we are part of each other emotionally. I know that we are and it means a lot to me. Enough that it saved my life. She loves me. But since she does not express that physically or verbally it would be the nicest to hear it from her. She says I love you and I know she does. But it would be my wish that she could really tell me she loves and needs me.
What I fear if that something will happen where she needs to say goodbye or even worse that something would happen TO her. I’d never want to lose her but for her to be hurt! that would be so horrible. I guess we will see. That sounds fucked up on some level because I don’t want to lose her, but I can’t bear the thought of her hurting any more.