A great day today. About 5 minutes after my last post yesterday, Catnip called me and said: “What are you doing in about 15 minutes”?
I said “Nothing why” and she said “how would you like to take a girl to lunch”?
So after a month of not talking at all, we went to lunch. Driving there I was very nervous. I didn’t know if we were meeting so she could tell me goodbye, or if we were going to just have fun again. Turns out it was just lunch and it was nice.
Its cold and she was wearing a sexy dress with a coat over it, boots and black stocking and I commented on great she looked and that I had seen her wear the dress in pictures but I had never seen it in person. As we were sitting down she leaned into me and whispered, I’m just wearing stockings and no panties, so It’s cold” and she gave me a sexy look. She drives me nuts. Then she said, “That’s for you.” She is sexy as hell.
We caught up as little and I asked if I could talk to her about what happened. She said: “another time, I’m really emotional right now”.
We talked for a while and I found that she had a bad month too for a number of reasons. The man that beat her up and who she cannot stop loving has stomach cancer. She saw him a time or two but not much. She is a compassionate person and she loves him, I’m sure she couldn’t say no. I said I was sorry for asking and I know I might sound like an Ass, but are you two back together. She said “No” and she said “I will never be able to give myself to him again” and it brought tears to her eyes. She loves him but she is also smart. She explained the month to me. Work sucked, several people took time off, her family was weird. Long story there, and she was hurting because of this guy.
After we spoke a bit it was clear that she was willing to talk so I asked a simple question about one of the things that had been bothering me. I didn’t understand why offering to help her with a down payment for an apartment had made her so mad. She said she didn’t remember it at all. She was just hurting because of that guy and because of me asking for the letters back and she said I probably just said something to be hurtful because she didn’t remember it at all. Which brought us to the letters.
She said she was hurt that I thought she would use the letters to hurt me and that she would never hurt me no matter what. I told her that we misunderstood each other and that I had been too quick to send her my email and that I didn’t mean to say or accuse her of using the letter to hurt me. But that those letters meant a lot to me. We had a nice talk and she said that “Those letters mean a lot to me too.” It made me feel great. Clearly she loves those letters. WOO HOO!!
I told her that if there came to my home, that my wife would destroy them and I couldn’t stand the thought of them being destroyed. She said she would never hurt me and that she is keeping the letters. I also told her that my wife knew I loved her but that I was sure she didn’t know to what extent I loved her, and that I was sure she (My wife) didn’t know how many letters I had written her. But that she know She was my best friend and that I loved her and that I was sure she suspected that I loved her a lot.
Catnip asked: “What does she think about me pursuing you?” but what I heard was just that implication of the last 3 words. ME PURSUING YOU. Made my heart skip a beat. I told her that I was sure my wife didn’t think anything because I was sure she thinks it’s just me.
Anyway we had a good lunch. I told her that she was the only person to ever say I was selfish and she grinned and said “Good”. And we talked about that. I know I’m selfish. I’m married and I want more of her time. No reason to argue about that. But she clearly likes that I love her and she told me she loved me. It was a great lunch. No way to capture it all, but it was such a wonderful relief. She said she would still talk to me more and to give her a call. It was nice.
The only bad thing was that she told me that she is so tired of her life her that she wants to move away. She has said this before throught the years, but this time it seemed like she meant it more. It would so horrible if she moved but I will wait and see.